Highs and Lows: Moments of Truth
- Posted by K.M. Sutton
“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” ~ Buddha
The guise of social media
Social media is great at painting the guise of the picture perfect. All rainbows, butterflies, and amazing food, (okay I am envious of all the food pictures!) creating social envy, and lamentations of “Why isn’t my life like that?”
Well the truth is, their life isn’t like that all the time either. Everyone has bad days. And while I try to be Lil Mrs. Julia Child, there are days where boxed mac and cheese is pretty damn appetizing.
While I like to think I DO have a pretty good life, I still have bad days. In fact I sometimes have bad weeks. As much as I try to be optimistic, I do have days where I freak the fuck out, scaring everyone, as I walk up Third Avenue bawling hysterically because I am already done with 2018.
I mentioned in my last post I had gotten my laptop back, before I left NH. Svetlana was recovering from her cyber bug, when she decided on Saturday, she needed to go back to the Apple hospital.
The gray screen of doom appeared. And I freaked out.
Sidenote: I have never hated the color gray more then I did in that moment. Like is it even a color?
I took my laptop into Apple on Tuesday, where they literally were the only bright spot. They were ridiculously helpful, and once again showed why I will only ever buy Apple. They even fast tracked the work (no not like NY MTA fast track, but like actual fast tracking) to have it done Tuesday night.
This is where I leave off with the rest of my week was peachy keen. But nope this is the moment I get real honest and probably a bit TMI.
While they were great, during the appointment, felt like I was dying. In fact I am pretty sure I looked like I was sucking on lemons the whole meeting.
If you have followed this blog or read any of my articles, I have talked about my (painful) struggle with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome.) I haven’t written about it in awhile, because truthfully I have been in a really bad place with it. And usually when I am struggling with something I don’t really talk about it.
I never admitted to being rational peeps.
Since the Summer, it has been particularly bad, not just with physical symptoms, but the emotional as well. While feeling like I am being stabbed a million times, is not the most pleasant, I much prefer that to the hormonal depression I have been dealing with. There are days where getting out of bed feels like I am climbing a mountain. Actually hiking Everest would be easier. Even just a hello text will turn me into a ball of mush.
The after the appointment I went home and died. Not really, but I did curl up with blankets and tried to shut the world out, praying that Wednesday would be better.
Stolen Credit Card
This is the day the universe basically flipped me off. Apparently the powers that be, decided I should be the protagonist in a Dickens novel. If you have ever read Dickens, (my sympathies) you know he loved to make everyone’s life go from depressing to pure hell.
I met a friend for coffee in the morning, and tried to use my debit card. It didn’t work, but I wasn’t concerned since my bank is usually excellent with this sort of thing.
Cue manic laughing.
I called them and discovered my number had been stolen with charges racked up. Okay sort of a hassle since I had to go into a store and get a new card, but manageable.
Apparently the machine that makes new cards was not working, and the idiot who worked there told me it was the whole company.
No card, no laptop, which I was suppose to be picking up at that moment.
If you were trying to picture this all in your head, this is when I walked up Third Avenue bawling hysterically. And if I needed further proof I had stumbled into a Dickens novel, it was also raining.
Legit freaking out now, I called my parents, who bless their hearts were trying to trouble shoot for me from four hundred miles away. With not much they could do, I called my bank again trying to be calm but failing. Bless the customer service rep’s heart because he called around the city trying to find a branch that had a working machine.
Alleu-fucking-luia he found several (basically the guy in the other store was lazy) and I was able to get a new card and then reunited with my precious Svetlana.
After I got my laptop, I went home, put on trashy television (actually it was the Food Network, so would that constitute as food porn?), and ate my fill in Reeses cups, because I needed not just a sick day, but also a mental one.
We might portray the perfect facade, but the truth is, we do not need too. And there are days where I JUST. DO. Not. Want. To.
I am not saying go around be a grump, because no one wants to be around that person either. But being real? Admitting when you are struggling? Or you need to talk to someone? That makes you relatable. It opens yourself up to deeper connections, because you realize others struggle too. We ALL have bad days. We ALL have great days. It is all about that balance and keeping perspective, but also being true and honest to yourself and others.
How do you cope with bad days and/or bad weeks? What do you do to make yourself feel better?