“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
How is Everyone?
Oh, Heyyyy Friends!
How is everyone? Seriously, I know it can seem like such a generic, even loaded question and it is one I absolutely hate, because at least for me, I never know where to start when asked. Especially in recent months, when life has been seemly relentless, I always feel guilty for unloading on friends. But given the events and the fact we are all in this together:
How. Are. YOU?
Seriously UNLOAD. Life is not perfect, we don’t always have to pretend it is. Especially right now. I know I am guilty, of constantly saying, “I am fine.” “Everything is good.” Or the kinda not fine, but don’t really want to admit it, please play fifty questions, “Okay, hanging in there.”
I have been using that one ALOT.
So when someone asks you how you are, really answer. ESPECIALLY right now. It is so important to check on your friends, not just right now during a pandemic, but always, even when times seem good, because guys let me tell ya, even when things seem or “appear” good, many times they aren’t. So please, PLEASE check on your family, and friends. On your “Kula.” And kula, do NOT feel guilty for answering honestly.
Kula is a Sanskrit word, I learned approximately eight years ago after moving to New York and getting certified in yoga. Not only can I not believe it was eight years ago, but my heart goes out to all my family and friends who are there during this scary time. Kula means tribe. Now more then ever, our tribe is so incredibly important. We NEED our tribe. Even before this pandemic hit, my kula has been incredible.
I don’t think I am too out of line when I say what the expletive is going on?!?! 2020 has been one heck of a booty kicker. Prior to all the social distancing and shutting down of things, the last couple of months have been incredibly tough for me and my fam. I feel like I sound like a broken record, but legit just when I think I have reached that pinnacle drop on the roller coaster, it turns out there is another one ahead, even more dire of a drop then before.
I am not sure I can blame it all, on 2020, because 2019 had a lot of upheaval amongst all the change, but 2020 didn’t make it any better. In fact much like those memes of “Hold my beer” (or in my case, wine) that is exactly what 2020 did in an overdone exaggerated game of one up manship. Way to be an overachiever 2020!
One Thing After Another
I really did have high hopes for 2020, and to a certain extent I still do, because it can only go up. Right? Of course I keep saying that and then something else happens like, oh a pandemic.
As I had mentioned in my previous blog posts, my grandmother unexpectedly and tragically passed the end of January. While she was eighty-seven it was not expected and the manner in which she died, has certainly left behind a lot of grief especially for some family members. Navigating and attempting to be a support system for them when they keep repeating the aforementioned, “I’m fine!” has not been easy, especially when you know they very much are NOT fine.
As if navigating grief was not enough to deal with, I came down with the flu the beginning of February. Let me tell you it was a doozy! I don’t think I have ever been so sick and there have been times I have been sick! I had chills that made me shake for hours. (I wish that was an exaggeration) I honestly felt like I had run, not a marathon, but an ULTRA marathon.
With how crappy I felt, I kinda wish I had. My Type A self wanted something to show for all the body aches! It didn’t help that during this time, the kiddos had February vacation, and we got a ton of snow, of which I had to shovel, and may or may not have almost passed out. Thankfully, I am fully recovered, and hoping the universe will realize that one major illness a year is enough.
Speaking of the Universe, and the reason I had begun writing this post (way back in the beginning of March) which has now morphed into a lot of other things, while it does seem to be one thing after another, the universe has very kindly not given EVERYTHING to us at once.
At the end of February my Dad got scarily sick. One to never complain about pain, he was in excruciating pain and could not put any weight on his right foot. After days of being misdiagnosed, in and out of the emergency room, and given less then stellar treatment (I never realized, until I moved to New York, not only had my own experiences with the hospitals there, as well as dated a doctor, how ill- equipped and far behind on the latest medical knowledge the local hospital in my hometown is) they finally, after my Mom’s suggestion, (she is a former nurse) realized it was cellulitis.
While they hospitalized him, it had started to travel up his leg, and they could not figure out a treatment. They also were refusing him pain killers, and this was after several doctors said this was one of the most painful illnesses out there. They finally (thank god) transported him to a bigger hospital, but not before he became septic and their was fear he could lose part of his leg.
Thankfully, the new hospital was absolutely incredible, and they were able to treat him, and he is doing much, MUCH better. Because of the Corona Virus, they did release him early, and he has been recovering at home. If there is any bright side, my Dad is Mister Social Butterfly, and his illness has forced him to stay home (he can’t drive) and take care of himself.
Everything Happens For A Reason
And now we are in a freaking pandemic!
As crazy as it sounds, this more then ever has shown me that everything happens for a reason. We may not understand that reason, sometimes getting to that point just friggin sucks, but whether you believe in God or a higher power, there is a plan.
I alluded to it on my Instagram page, my life would be incredibly different right now, if just ONE thing had not happened or been different this past year and that includes all the negative stuff that occurred. Instead, those events have led me to being with my family during this time. I was able to support my Mom, and help my brother with the family business during my Dad’s illness. Instead of self-isolating in Italy or Charleston, or heck even New York, I am with my family including my other brother, nephews and niece.
This is by no means easy, and I am pretty sure we have all wanted to murder each there at different points the last eleven days, BUT push comes to shove, we are #BetterTogether and we WILL get through this. All of us. Not just my family, but everybody. And we WILL be stronger because of it.
Life hasn’t always been kind, while 2020 has been a beeyatch, there have been several periods in my life that have been equally if not more brutal. During those times it felt like I was going to drown in the dark abyss, and I honestly didn’t see a way out. But I came through it. And you will too. Not just because we all have an inner strength and grit, that only comes out in moments like these, but because of the incredible people, the Kula, that grace our lives and are there for us, that asks us how we are doing.
And then call us on our bullshit, when we say fine.
In the words of on of my best friends who without fail will always ask me, “So, how are you REALLY doing?”