Lessons I have Learned the Last Three Decades
“I am a Gemini and can adapt to most atmospheres. You get two for the price of one when you are a Gemini.” ~ Karan Johar
Cheers To Thirty!
It is finally here! After hyping it up ALL week, I am finally, finally, the dirty thirty. Only took me, oh yeah, three decades and very poor birthday humor to reach this age. And coffee. LOTS of coffee. I can’t forget about the coffee!
As much as I have joked about being old, I am seriously excited for this new chapter. The last three decades have been a wealth of knowledge and growth. My twenties especially were such a transitional and turbulent time where I was still figuring out who I was, and detouring horribly in the process. Sometimes they were really god awful detours. But I am thankful to have found a better map and was able to reroute myself and I grew from those experiences.
I feel like I have finally come to a place where I not only know myself, but I also love myself. And I couldn’t ask for anything more. Well, okay, I could. I could ask for a lot more, preferably a vacation in Italy, which is where I was suppose to be, but I digress. In terms of personal growth, I am pretty content.
And I am ready to take the dirty thirty on! I thought I would share some things I have learned in my thirty years of being on this incredible planet. They are by no means everything I have shared, but they are the ones that have made their mark.
The Biggest Lesson
The biggest lesson I have learned and that I think we all need to remember is that life is NOT all sunshine and flowers. It is messy and filled with those hard detours I had mentioned. We need the bad to appreciate the good. If everything was peachy keen, we wouldn’t be living, we would just be existing, and that isn’t really what life is about. It is a journey filled with a LOT of temporary adventures, some good, some bad, but if we keep pushing through we will get to the next one, and hopefully grow from all of it.
Happiness is a Choice
This is a mantra I live by, but it is also one that gets understood quite a bit. Choosing happiness doesn’t mean you don’t have bouts of what society labels negative emotions like sadness and anger, because we are all human and those emotions are normal. It means that even when you are experiencing sadness, you are still seeking the joy, no matter how small or big it is.
Mistakes Don’t have to define you
I feel like this one is incredibly prevalent right now, with people’s Tweets and social media posts resurfacing. I don’t know what is in everyone’s hearts, but I do know I was a little shit when I was twenty, and I hope to god I am not that person anymore. That I have learned from all the mistakes I made, (and their were MANY of them) and continue to grow and evolve into a better human.
Self Love isn’t a catch phrase but something that is so incredibly important. I spent WAY to long focusing on what I deemed the negative parts of myself, trying to change and perfect my body and I ended up missing out on SO much. Heck I think I could have had a PHD with the amount of time I spent hating myself. We are given one body, and it is a wondrous and unique body and we need to love it and take care of it. I may have been late discovering this, but I am happy I finally have.
You are not Everyone’s Cup of Tea
And that is okay, because personally I hate tea, unless it is Starbucks or actually authentic, BUT digressing. We spend so much time trying to get people to like us and focusing on those who DON’T, that we forget their are a gazillion other people who do and we don’t have to bribe them, or at least try as hard. Work at being YOUR own cup of tea (or coffee) and let all the extra stuff just flow around you, not into your energy.
Eat whatever the fuck you want
Seriously. Something else I spent way to much time caring about. It really is amazing what a difference a decade can make, because my relationship with food, is a complete 180. I have a much better understanding of my body and what it needs to nourish itself, as well as the fact it is okay to treat myself if I want. Food is not the enemy, our minds are, and when you realize that, you fear it a lot less.
Make Your Bed
This is another big one. It seems so simple, but it is so important. Beginning the day accomplishing something, yes even if that is making your bed, leads to a more productive and successful day. So make your bed!
Perfection Is overrated
If I could tell my fourteen and sixteen and basically my whole young adult life anything, it would be this. Perfection is an allusion. It doesn’t exist except in our minds. We base it off societal standards that are different for EVERYONE. We might think we have achieved perfection, but to someone else we haven’t. Strive to do your best, strive to always be good at what you do, but perfection doesn’t come until the journey ends, and the book of life still has SO much more to be written.
Forgiveness does not make you weak
Forgiveness also includes yourself. Holding on to anger only hurts you, it doesn’t hurt the person who has wronged you. More times then not they don’t give a shit. So forgive, let go, and move on, don’t waste your energy which is so incredibly valuable, on someone who does not deserve it.
It is okay to try before you buy
I know I don’t go here THAT often, but seriously friends, sexual compatibility is so incredibly important. I feel like we are evolving, but sexual health is still generally such a taboo subject, yet plays such a pivotal role in relationships and even with ourselves. You want a partner and a spouse that not just gives you the satisfaction in the ways you need it, but also respects you always. Part of the trying, is making sure you have those important conversations and are on the same page.
Age is like a fine wine
I am about to shock y’all but friends, getting older is such a blessing. So many people aren’t able to, or they attempt to fight it. Embrace it. And by all means embrace the botox if that makes you feel better. But age brings maturity, and self awareness and honestly that is SO much hotter then someone who is fresh from being jail bait, let’s be real.
Communication is key
Despite living in a world where we are more connected then ever, communication is something that is slowly slipping away whether it is because we are to busy, to consumed with our lives, or have that allusion of connection, the reality is we NEED to communicate. We need to have those tough conversations with our loves, with our friends. They aren’t always pleasant, but when the lines of communication are open, it is a lot easier to have those discussions.
Have Space For Gratitude
Every morning I write five things I am grateful for. Much like making my bed, it begins my day on a more positive note. There is always something to be grateful for, even if it is just being able to breathe clean air. Or getting up in the morning. Acknowledging that can change your whole perspective on life. It also makes you much more appreciative to those in your life.
Tears are healing
It is okay to cry. It is okay to be vulnerable. And it is okay to show it. I still have a hard time being vulnerable in front of people, (writing doesn’t count) but I am learning to let my guard down and in doing so, it has become incredibly freeing, but also healing. tears heal and it is okay to share that with people.
There is a Plan
I know I say this a lot but EVERYTHING happens for a reason. This past year confirmed that in so many ways. You may think life sucks, or there are barriers in your way, but it is only temporary, and they are there so that you can triumph over them and go on to something better.
Drink Coffee, or wine….
Or whatever makes you happy. And screw anyone else who judges. Seeing my baristas every day, and taking that sip of coldbrew can sometimes be the only highlight of my day, and it is such a simple thing to do. So do something big or small that brings you a daily dose of joy.
I use to shy away from being extra, or basic, or anything that made me stand out. In doing so I was hiding who I am. No more. I own my extraness which includes Fancy Fridays and rocking red lipstick even when I am hiking. And of course taking ALL the pictures. People can label me however they see fit, and I will own it, because many times those who are commenting and even passing judgement are envious. So yes, I will be fabulously and glamorously extra.
Even if it is virtual. Which is what a LOT of us have been doing in quarantine. Travel opens our eyes. We learn things. We grow. We change. And that is so important because who wants to be stagnate all the time and comfortable? Traveling challenges us. It forces us to do something new and that is an adrenaline rush all its own.
Be Uniquely You
Lastly be YOU. You are amazing and wondrous and unique! And while I hope that some of these lessons help you, you are going to discover your own, because our lives while parallel are not the same. We are all having our own human experiences on this planet and no two are alike, but each is so incredibly special. YOU are special.
What is something you have learned?