Not to long ago, I had a talk with a friend about being the youngest. As the youngest daughters, we feel an inexplicable need to take care of our parents. Maybe it is because as the last chicks, we have seen our parents grow old and gray. We have seen them struggle more with life’s quirks and hinderances then our other siblings.
And we have also seen them deal with the unthinkable.
So for me, when my mom told me that my aunt who had been sick with cancer wasn’t doing well, I automatically felt torn and defeated.
Anyone who knows me, knows what my family has gone through the last several years.
And anyone who knows me, knows the first and foremost reason of why I am going to New York.
To have to choose between my family who I have always felt obligations for, who I have always felt should come first before anything else, and/or my dreams, something that I promised my sister I would follow right before she passed away. And who because of her I have undertaken this yoga journey.
Of course my mom told me to continue following my dreams, because that is who she is, but no matter what it doesn’t take the pain away that for the first time there is a pretty good chance that I will not be there.
And I realize that it is the beginnings of adulthood, sometimes we have to choose, adulthood requires a lot of choices and decisions to be made. But it doesn’t change the fact that it sucks.
It doesn’t change the fact that as I begin something that is making me so incredibly inexplicably ecstatic, my family has to deal with another obstacle, another tragedy.
At my young age, I have had to deal with the unfairness of life. But sometimes it seems unbelievably impossible how unfair it can get.
As I look at all of those I love, I can see it in their eyes. The pain, the hurt, the sadness. But I can also see the strength.
As an incredibly close family, we have had so much tragedy, but through it all we also have had strength and we will always have each other. And through out the next few weeks, I know no matter what happens, we will have each other no matter the distance, regardless of where in this world we are.
I also know that we have some incredible angels who are helping to guide us and direct our paths.
As I make this move, I know that they will be with me, and I know that I have to trust to let what will be, will be. After all I am now an adult, and sometimes you just have to let fate decide what your path is and where you can and will be.
I close tonight, with sending healing prayers of strength to all my family that we can be resilient and strong for my aunt and uncle (if people remember my post from a couple weeks ago, I have some people in my family who don’t handle crisis well). And of course I send healing calming thoughts to my aunt and uncle who are truly two of the most inspiring people I know.
The memories we have as a family are incredible, and we will alwys hold those close to our hearts, for by remembering we are never forgetting our angels. <3
Namaste.
