Self Love and Bikini Season
“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.” ~ Jim Rohn
“Your body hears everything your mind says.” ~ Naomi Judd
What Day is it? Birthday Month!
Hello friends! And happy Tuesday slash Monday because it really does kinda feel like a Monday. But it is actually Tuesday. If that sounded confusing you are not alone! I always have a hard time figuring out WHAT day it is after long weekends. The exciting part though is this long weekend just unofficially kicked off summer. You KNOW I have been living for this all year. AND today is the kickoff to my Birthday month woot woot! I am SO excited! Especially since SO many of my friends (shout out to the two Best Gemini twins and fellow bloggers I am so grateful share this month with Britt and Sarah, go give them a follow!) also have birthdays this month!
I am a strong believer in celebrating at least ALL during the week of our birthdays, but heck life is so short, so many amazing people have birthdays this month, so why not celebrate all MONTH long. Seriously friends, especially given the last couple years, we deserve a month to celebrate that we are not only older and wiser, but that we survived a whole nether year! #Goals
I am not just excited for my birthday, but here in the states this past weekend was the unofficial kick off to summer. It also kicked off Bikini/swimsuit season, which can bring up a whole host of emotions and feelings from joy, to panic, to feelings of inadequacy and even relapse. Despite being a self professed mermaid, I had a love hate relationship with summer for decades. I loved the beach. Loved the sunshine. But HATED wearing a swimsuit of any kind, forget about a bikini.
Having been pretty open in the past about the struggles I have gone through with my body in my almost thirty plus years (June 13, that will actually be true) of being on this planet, I am not immune to bikini/swimsuit season. It has been, at times, an all out war of finding the love, appreciation, and compassion, with this vessel, this body, that God gave me and truthfully I haven’t always been kind to it. For well over a decade I treated it like shit, and even now I still have days where I don’t speak Kindly to it. Thankfully those days are farther and fewer apart then they were even just five years ago, but I wouldn’t be authentic if I didn’t mention that I still have those days. We are all human after all.
With Age Comes Life Lessons
But with age comes wisdom or as I like to say Life Lessons which in turn GIVE us wisdom. And after years of therapy and working to heal my relationship with myself and my body, bikini season is no longer so intimidating for me. The last two years especially, have taught me to stop focusing on how I look in a bikini and just enjoy myself at the beach, irregardless of cellulite, rolls, bloating, ALL OF IT. I KNOW it is easier said then done. Learning to love not just yourself, but the body you have is a huge process and at times feels like an endless rollercoaster, but it IS possible, if you are willing to put in the work. And it DOES take work.
I was that person, starting when I was eleven or so, who sat n a beach covered up in towels, embarrassed to bare my body. I would bring my towel with me to the waters edge and only shed it at the last possible second, so NO ONE would see what I looked like. I even swam in shorts, I was so embarrassed of my legs which were muscular from skating and running, and later on yoga. But instead of admiring their strength, my mind only saw ginormous blobs and other extremely dysmorphic views of my body and myself.
Beach days weren’t fun, because I was SO consumed with how I looked, and how people were looking at me, and what OTHERS were thinking about me. I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t get out of my head because I was so consumed with hating my body, which really was a full time job, One that had no pay off and ultimately made me miss out on being care free, having fun, and the most important part, LIVING.
NO ONE is judging you, BUT you.
As I mentioned it took decades to finally realize that among other things, no ONE cares. Seriously. The ONE person who is judging, who really cares, is YOU. YOU are the one judging YOURSELF, YOUR body. And at the end of the day, we are all so consumed with judging ourselves, how we look, what others think, that there is NO space to judge others. Like I said, self loathing of ourselves really is a full time job.
As human beings, we all have body hang ups. Yes ALL of us. Insecurities aren’t exclusive to just one group of people or gender. All of us have things we struggle with, which is why it is so important to not be judgmental which includes how we view ourselves. How we TALK to ourselves. If you wouldn’t judge others, stop judging yourself. YOU are beautiful as you are, irregardless of size, color, build, whatever, your self worth is NOT determined by how you look in a bikini, but rather the joy you radiate on the beach.
It is a process, even now there are times I am way to in my head, but realizing that because we are all consumed by our own insecurities, no one is looking, has become incredibly freeing. The only one caring is me, and I am choosing not to anymore. I am choosing to love my body, rock all the bikinis, and enjoy myself in my happy place, because life is to short to let insecurities control me or anyone. Let this be the summer you say eff it to toxic diet culture, unattainable beauty standards because we are ALL beautifully and exquisitely different, and just live your best dang hot girl and or hot guy summer. You deserve it loves. We ALL do! Sending you all so much love!