The Real Answer to “How Are You?”

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” ~ Barack Obama

How Are you?

“How are you?” just might be my most detested phrase in society. Don’t get me wrong I use it, because it is considered a pleasantry. But when I am asked it, I always feel like a deer in the headlights. Does the person want the honest truth? Or the perfected photo-shop one? What the hell do I say?

The hold your head up high, keep calm, and carry on mentality that is attributed to British culture is something that is actually all over the world. We act like we want to know how someone is doing, but when they actually ask and you answer shitty no one knows how to handle it. You get the oh well that is to bad and the quick change of the subject. No one wants to have the tough conversations. No one wants to be uncomfortable.

And yet circumstances are forcing us to be uncomfortable. We are being forced to have those tough conversations and really turn inward within ourselves as well as with other people.

And all I can say is about fucking time!

Opening The Conversation Up

It was eight years ago (thank you Facebook time hop) where I was forced to have an unpleasant conversation with my sister. I was standing outside of Fairway on 86th between second and third, it was pouring out and I finally admitted that I had an eating disorder and was getting help. It was uncomfortable for us both. For many people who have eating disorders, it is a way to control and be perfect when perfection is alluding us. By admitting you have a problem you are admitting you are not perfect. (which FYI NO ONE is, but thanks society for trying to push THAT narrative)

Humans by our very definition are fallible, but to admit that is scary as fuck. A friend posted a meme with a quote that said “We Blame society, but we are society.” That is very true. We have been conditioned and influenced from an early age by our parents, grandparents, teachers, priests and pastors, politicians, anyone who has power over us, on how to think and act, and be. Our personal beliefs are cemented between ages 3 and seven, four years is all it takes for opinions and trauma to form and guide us through life.


Be Better

BUT WE have the power to change it! WE have the power to uncondition ourselves and because we are society, we can change not just ourselves, but society. Change is scary. It is uncomfortable, but it is the only way we can grow as people AND as society. And guys we need to change. It is important to change. It is important for us to DO Better. To BE Better then past generations.

Life has been crazy, both personally and of course externally in the world we live in. It has caused me to do a ton of retrospection, which with my birthday coming up (and a big one at that) I would have done anyway, but life has a way of pushing things to the surface, and society is agreeing with that.


The last two weeks have been difficult and painful and honestly just absolutely horrible. But as I have written before, life is full of good and bad, and it is through our pain that transformation happens. And it is. We are being pushed to look at ourselves. REALLY look at ourselves. But also to look at others, and actually see people and TALK to people. If we want to change the world we have to communicate.

We live in a society that despite being so connected we have become DISCONNECTED. We can insulate ourselves with like minded people, people who look like us, people who think like us, people who come from the same socio-economic life. And that NEEDS to stop. We can always learn, aways change, most importantly we can GROW, and that comes not from building walls and blocking, but tearing them down and unblocking.

Be Kind. Be Love.

Growth can only come from having the tough conversations. Conversations I am happy we are ALL having right now and I hope we continue to have, while I am happy we are talking about racism it can not and MUST NOT stop there. We are not just a nation, but I strongly believe, a world filled with so much pain and we need to open the dialogue and discuss all of it. HAVE those unpleasant conversations. Don’t just ask someone how the hell they are doing as a pleasantry, but actually really fucking mean it.

I understand I don’t and can’t possibly have the words every single person needs to hear right now, but I do have empathy. I do have love. And that can be shared regardless of the “Right words.” LOVE is what shines the most. We are a hurt world and right now the Black Community is hurting the most and as humans it is up to us to be there supporting them, being an ear, listening, but most of all being love.

At this moment we are at a fork in the road where we can take the path that we know, that we are use to and feels “Safe” but in actuality is breeding a world full of heart. OR we can take the path that is unchartered. That is scary in the uncertain, BUT that has the power to invoke change, to be the good that we NEED in this world. To be kind. To be love.


Sending you all so much love and light. I am always here for support, for strength, for love and most importantly to listen. Love you framily. <3

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5 thoughts on “The Real Answer to “How Are You?”

  1. Hoping things get better (for everyone) as soon as possible, and that the ‘new normal’ is something we can all be proud of! *hugs*

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