“Illness is the doctor to whom we pay most heed; to kindness, to knowledge, we make promise only; pain we obey.” ~ Marcel Proust
I have slacked horribly with keeping up with my blog, comments, emails, and basically life in general the last two weeks. Just when I think I have caught up, wham, something else hits me, this time in many ways quite literally.
I flew back two weeks ago from New Hampshire, and while I was exhausted, I attributed it to gynecological issues, family stresses, and the coming Nor’Easter (number four peeps!) rather then the fact I was harboring the worst creeping crud of my life.
Tuesday I went to class and when I came back, I legit felt like death. Assuming it was because of above mentioned gynecological issues which cause me to sleep like a mummy, I took a nap and when I woke up the real hell began. I took my temperature not thinking anything of it, until I saw it was a hundred and three.
That was when I knew. I knew I had succumbed. I popped Advil and hoped it would pass. We had a snow day on Wednesday. I grabbed coffee tea with a friend who was blown away by the fact I looked like death. In fact afterwards I went home and pretty much metaphorically died.
The Creeping Crud
The next few days were a delirium filled haze. I went to the clinic twice. Had IV’s, blood work, and was pumped filled with antibiotics which did not do a thing. They had (and still to this day) no idea what was wrong with me. Aside from the fever, I had a ridiculously high blood pressure. (for me, I typically run 90 over 50 and yes that is with drinking caffeine) I was exhausted, and wanted to sleep, but couldn’t due to the fact my heart was going to jump out of my flipping chest.
I even passed out at one point,(yup read that right) waking up when I hit my floor.
I can legit say I have never EVER been this sick in my life, and I seem to catch the most random shizzle.
For once in my life I listened to my body.
I didn’t play hero and try to overdue. I rested. Even when I began to feel better, I still stayed in bed. We had a few days (since we have had more snow. WTF Mother Nature?) where the weather cleared and got warmer and I stayed in bed.
Though I got a little stir crazy, and if I had really desperately wanted to I could have attempted a run, I didn’t.
I could have, being the key words, but then I also ran the chance of being right back where I was two weeks ago.
I don’t know if it was the super high blood pressure, the fever or the fact I friggin passed out. Like legit doesn’t that shit only happen in Gone With the Wind? Whatever this was, it was a doozy.
The Reset I needed
This Winter has not been kind to me and I have not been kind to my body, as scary as this was, it was the reset I needed. The kick in the ass for my mental an physical states. The sign that it is okay if I rest and take care of myself. And no, not take care of me by pampering, and being a go-getter, but actually relaxing. Actually taking a step back to pause and rest.
I have had a lot of upheaval personally, and this put a lot of that stuff into perspective. It also made also made me realize it is okay to lean on people, especially friends. My girlfriends have been amazing through all of this, with one even coming from Queens when I pulled my Scarlett O’Hara moment. I tell people all the time, but even I need the reminder that, we are not alone. We NEED people. The right kind of people who get us and accept us for who WE are. We are much better for it, once we find our group, and we all have them.
While I am still not back to being a hundred percent, I have incredible mental clarity, which had felt blocked all Winter. It has inspired me to pursue endeavors that had fallen by the wayside, as well as reinvigorate my writing that had been so stagnate lately.
While this was a curse, an incredibly scary one, I am the type of person who turns sour lemons into lemonade, and even in the most dire circumstances can you get perspective and learn and grow. This gave me that. As I joked with a friend, who knows maybe it was the Fall on my head that gave me some sense. (kidding, kinda) Sometime you have bumps (okay that was bad wordage, pun not intended) in the road with some really bad months, but you will get through them as long as you keep going and you will be much stronger for it.
How do you handle getting sick? Do you push yourself or do you listen to your body?