The Vortex of a Scale’s Unmoving Numbers
“I used to be that crazy person that was strict about what I did and didn’t eat. I was so diligent with exercise. And as soon as I stopped thinking about it, I lost weight. I wasn’t stressing about it. The balance and relaxing is what’s really helped me.” ~ Phoebe Tonkin
I don’t own a scale. I use too.
I use too stare at it. Willing the numbers to move to the left. Inch by inch and get frustrated when they didn’t.
I use to curse at the scale, knowing I would go an extra mile or ten on the treadmill just to get that little dial to move. Even if it was just a quarter of a centimeter.
I use to get on and off, hoping that maybe that number was a mistake. Somehow it would be different every time. Loathing myself when it wasn’t.
Knowing, but not wanting to understand, that muscle weighs more then fat, and that pesky little number doesn’t mean anything.
It doesn’t mean self-worth. It doesn’t determine beauty of the soul. It doesn’t determine talent.
It doesn’t determine who you are as a person.
I use too jump on and off.
I use to stare at that number not realizing the tears coming down my cheeks.
I use to do double and triple weigh-ins through out the day, hating myself more and more each time.
I use to.
But I stopped.
I learned weight isn’t about that number, but how my body feels day to day.
I learned that numbers are obsolete, and nothing compares to how you feel on the inside.
I learned that happiness is not dependent on living for the scale, but living for the joyful moments quite separate to weight, numbers, or appearance.
I learned to throw away the scale. To be in-tuned to my body in a different way.
Not through a number, but through my clothes. Through how much energy I have day to day. To my moods and over all happiness. To whether or not I can do a handstand, not because I am skinny, but because I am strong!
My humanity isn’t judged of weight. My reason and my fight to put behind a period of pain and unhealthiness, is not determined by a number.
Because that number is obsolete. It fluctuates throughout the day, week by week, and thus I am done being chained to it. It no longer binds me.
A scale will not determine my self-worth.