“It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don’t agree. The wounds remain. Time – the mind, protecting its sanity – covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone.” ~ Rose Kennedy
“They”
They say with time it gets easier. I am not sure who “they are” that deemed it so. “They” are wrong. “They” were probably high on the good stuff attempting to channel Aristotle or some philosopher with a good sound bite and failed.
Epically.
Time doesn’t make it easier. Time doesn’t wash away the tears.
If anything, time makes it a hell of a lot harder.
It isn’t that the pain lessens, in actuality you learn to deal with it, like the aches and pains of age you become accustomed to when you get older, that is how grief is. You learn to drown your sorrows in a pint of Ben and Jerrys or a bottle of cheap supermarket wine. You learn to shut yourself off for a week knowing you will be unfit for anything except to binge watch Real Housewives and start sobbing uncontrollably because the Countess Luann actually said something profound… who woulda thunk it? You learn that those who didn’t know you when, and even those who did, assume you are PMSing.
And you let them.
Because the prolific “They” told the world that with time it gets easier, and those who have never had their heart ripped out of their bodies -and it has yet to be returned- just do NOT understand and it isn’t a pain you would not wish on anyone.
Time
Time is a tricky bastard. Time does indeed march on and with it comes birthdays, babies, marriages, boyfriends, exes, and fiancés. Old friends merge into new, and high school graduations turn into college and the next thing you know you have a house, a career, and hell even your hair is starting to turn gray and the wrinkles are screaming for some botox. New memories are created around the giant wound in your hear. Memories dimming the old down until they are nothing but smokee, when touch and smell, and even a voice becomes a smoggy haze, trying so hard to grasp it and remember.
Time doesn’t get easier. It becomes more pronounced. Every life event that occurs, makes those moments you reach for the phone painfully more apparent. That the landline is just that. Solely on land with no connection to heaven, because they do not receive calls up there.
Time may have taught you how to control the unbearable pain. To temper it down. It may have taught you that drinking, and binge eating your way into oblivion is not the healthiest or smartest of ways to deal with grief. Crawling under the covers wishing the sun would stop being so damn frickin’ cheerful isn’t constructive either, though it does make you feel a hell of a lot better.
Time teaches you the pros and cons, the trials and errors, of what is and isn’t helpful….but it doesn’t lessen the pain. In many ways it only exacerbates it.
Looking into the eyes of nephews and nieces who represent the mile stones of that proverbial time marching on. Of it refusing to slow down for anyone and with it the reminder of anniversaries. The years clicking past at warp speed.
Living and Loving
Moving on and living are two different things. Moving on means you blithely march forward. That time, pain, and grief have no baring on your life. The wound has healed and you are fine. Living is consciously making the effort each day to not take it for granted. To honor and represent. You can’t move on. Love doesn’t let you. But you can live despite the hole in your hear, you just learn to work around it and even with it.
Time does not heal all wounds it just gives you the armor to deal with the biggest war of all. Grief. It is a wound that perhaps over time the edges are sewn AROUND the hole in your heart, but like a scar it is there prominently, a huge ugly chunk taken out. A chunk you need to learn to live with, not move on from. Time doesn’t erase bonds and it sure as hell does not erase love for that is endless and all encompassing.
Seven Years
I have learned a lot in the last seven years.
It has been a huge emotional rollercoaster that at times I wasn’t sure I would make it out of. Days like today, I am still not sure I will, regardless of “time,” but then I also know to feel this pain is to know I had an amazing unconditional bond. A relationship and love that shaped who I am growing up. I didn’t just have a sister, I had a best friend and a role model. I would never ever give up the chance to have experienced that.
Love is the greatest gift we can give and receive. It comes with a double edged sword because when we lose that love it it hurts like hell, but I also know to never experience that would have hurt even more. I may have had my sister for only twenty years, but they have made an impact on me for life. I am so incredibly grateful for the lessons she taught me, the memories she made with me, and the love she gave me. That love is something that lives on even with death.
Love you Sugar <3
This was absolutely beautiful. I’m so sorry for your loss, and know that I’m always here if you need someone xx.
Awe thank you so much sweets that means a lot to me. So much love to you! <3
Oh my goodness; I’m sending you all the hugs I have! I’m so sorry you had to go through this but am so happy that you have such beautiful memories to remember your sister by! Thinking of you today and always! <3 <3 <3
Thank you so much sweets. Huge hugs to you as well. So grateful for your sweet words. Much love to you <3
This was a beautiful and heartbreaking read..thanks for sharing Katie. Sounds like you still have wonderful memories and pictures to look back on of your sister, which I hope is of some solace 🙂 <3
Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words love. They really mean a lot to me. <3
This was so beautiful and so hearttouching… I want to give you the biggest hug ❤ the time you had with your sister sounded awesome! I am so sorry for your loss my love xx
Awe thank you so much sweets. it really means a lot to me. And huge hugs to you. <3 <3 <3
This is so incredibly expressed and written, and I am so sorry to hear about your loss..My grandma, who was a huge part of our lives, died four years ago and while yes we appreciate being alive and seem ‘fine’, time certainly cannot hide the fact that she is not here anymore. Thank you very much for this wonderful and heartfelt read <3
Thank you so much for your sweet words. They mean a lot to me. I am so sorry for your loss. No it certainly can not. Thank you for reading and sharing your own personal story. So much love to you <3
Reblogged this on Crazy Pasta Child.
Thank you so much! <3
Oh sweet Kate, I’m crying right now.. yes to every. single. thing. I re-read this post three times because there are such gems of truth that you articulated perfectly. It’s so crazy how our body nearly forces us to “cope”, when every fiber of our being is screaming “NO, this cannot be reality.” It almost feels unnatural to do anything normal.. especially for a certain length of time, but we have to in order to survive. It’s so interesting.. and something I think about often. All your posts I’m reading this morning are serendipitously timely for me. Just last night I dreamt about my Dad and had the urge to call him this morning. I started reaching for my phone.. then boom.. like a train. I remembered I can’t call him. It’s been eight years, and when my guard is down, it hurts like the same hell. I know we will see them again one day, love. And even if time can’t actually heal, at least time brings us closer to that moment. I send massive hugs and am thankful for you sharing and putting into words what many of us feel but do not know how to say. LOVE YOU. <3
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your sweet words love. They mean a lot and I am sending YOU HUGE hugs!
You articulated it so well when you said it seems unnatural. It really does. I too think about it all the time. There are days even now and especially around those dates that I go down the rabbit hole of what-ifs and what-may-have-beens. It sometimes feels like I am living an alternate reality, because it is unnatural and unfair.
Huge hugs. Awe sweets I am sending you so much love. I completely understand. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get use to it, then I feel guilty for wanting to get use to it. It is so interesting yet also frustrating how our bodies, our mind and heart constantly fight each other. But there is really no rhyme or reason or right or wrong with how we grief, It is all our own personal and unique process, one that is continuous. There is a song called Address in the Stars and when I first heard it, I connected with it.
Huge hugs. It really does. I love that part about how time brings us closer. It definitely does. I am sending you massive hugs! Here for you always beautiful lady! Love you so much! <3
Oh my gosh, yesss to every single thing you just said. Especially about the getting used to it. Yep.. I sometimes let myself “feel”, and am like- how do I go so many days being so distracted that I don’t feel the weight of it all? I’m going to have to look into that song right now! Thank you so much for sharing this with me. LOVE YOU! <3
Overtime I see that you have responded I get a huge smile on my face and all the feels! You are the best and sweetest soul beautiful lady! SO grateful for you! Anytime sweets thank you for listening and just being you! <3 Love you sweet lady! <3
So thankful for YOU! <3
<3 <3 <3 SO much love!!!! <3 <3 <3