“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” ~ Albert Schweitzer
Last Day of June
It figures I would be getting around to finally posting this on the LAST day of June, my birthday month. Ideally I had wanted to post the the day AFTER my birthday, but alas, the whole best laid plans and all. Hopefully thirty will bring less thought, and more action, at least when it comes to blogging. I can only cross my fingers and hope and try!
As it happened I ended up taking a slight social media break, at least with my personal accounts, as it would kinda be bad to neglect the ones that actually help me make the moolah. It happened organically, but became intentional, the more days passed.
While the world as a whole, has been dealing with the crapshoot that is 2020, on top of all that, (because ya know it isn’t enough) I have been dealing with personal issues. Much of which I have documented here albite briefly, but some I have found difficult to talk about. While I am celebrating joining the Dirty Thirty Club, and I actually relish getting older (and hopefully wiser) with it, comes some tough decisions that I now have to make about my health. Decisions that most people don’t even realize I have to make because of being a single lady. And let me tell you now, infertility and reproductive health does NOT wait until you get hitched or you decide you are ready to have children. It hits when you are sixteen, or twenty, or thirty regardless of relationship status.
Admittedly, it is something I have had a very difficult time talking about and have just started to become more vocal, despite dealing with these issues since Aunt Flo first came visiting when I was twelve. Which is why it has been sort of twofold, I knew some of these decisions would have to be made, at the same time, my health in that area has deteriorated quite a bit the last four months, (stress is a bitch) that it has not only made me rethink, but also reassess.
On top of all of that, I have had (choosing to think of them as well meaning) people sending me messages (so I have literally just stopped reading my messages, sorry guys) about how I need to be doing more, and I am not an ally, and honestly it got to the point (on top of crazy hormones!) where I felt whatever I did was not good enough and I needed a break from the hate. Social Media has just been very judgy and I know I have said this a gazillion times, I sound like a broken record (in fact I said it today on Instagram), but social media is just a sliver of our world and it is artistically choreographed. No ONE knows what is in another’s heart nor the battles they fight. There is already so much hatred in this world, that we need to really evaluate whether we ourselves are further contributing to it.
This isn’t woe is me
Long rambling explanation and unexpected TED Talk aside, this isn’t a woe is me post. On the contrary, I feel so incredibly grateful for all the amazing people in my life and I do not want to dwell on the negative, because the good far out weighs the bad. Every single time.
Case in point, my birthday was not the one I had originally envisioned. The one I had planned involved castles, Italy, celebrating my friend’s nuptials, and getting reacquainted with Europe which I miss so very much. Alas, thanks to COVID, all my plans, even the alternate ones, had to be changed. But that is alright, because my birthday was honestly perfect.
I honestly have been spoiled all month long. Despite not being able to celebrate with my friends, they have made sure to shower me with all the love and positively spoil me in the most thoughtful of ways, that turning thirty wasn’t just a mile stone, but truly special. It began the beginning of June with friends sending me presents before my birthday, which I of course impatiently opened.
While the irony of my thirtieth birthday falling on a Saturday in the middle of a frickin pandemic, was not lost on me, it also fell on a weekend my brother had his kiddos, so they got to celebrate with me which made my heart absolutely burst. They were just as excited if not more so then I was to celebrate with me.
They brought me Starbucks, (where they graciously gave my brother credit for buying it) and invited me to go mini golfing with them, which I had not done in years. Despite the ninety degree temps, my actual birthday was quite cool, so we ended up doing both courses which was fun.
While I unfortunately could not be in Italy, I still ended up having the most delicious Italian food from my favorite restaurant in my hometown. Afterwards we had cake, and Piper helped me open up my presents. (really it was her day.) I received so many messages, and was showered with so much love that it truly was not only a special day, but month.
An unexpected birthday present to me was the Wednesday before my birthday, Maine announced that New Hampshire residents could once again travel to Maine, (without having to quarantine, which was kinda funny since I literally live ten minutes from the Maine border) and that beaches had reopened. I of course wasted no time to go and I don’t think I have ever been so happy to see a beach, nor to dip my toes into the Atlantic, which was actually pretty warm.
It was also, eerily so, quite empty. While the beaches are usually quite busy, social distancing was not a problem at all and everyone was quite respectful. I am so happy to have my beaches back and be able to breathe in that salt air. I literally was a fish out of water! I knew I missed it, but the moment I got out of the car and heard the waves, I was crying. After months of upheaval and unease, my heart finally felt contentment.
“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.” ~ Zig Ziglar
End of Gemini Season
Alas Gemini Season has come to an end, as has June. It is crazy how much I was counting the days until summer began, even just for warmer weather especially at the beginning of the pandemic, and now summer has officially started and we are approaching July Fourth weekend.
A random fun fact and further proof I am a June Baby, I was technically suppose to be born July Fourth, (not bitter about not having free fireworks) but due to complications, my Mom had a C-Section three weeks early. I think the universe definitely knew what they were doing, because not only am I a Gemini, but being born in the month summer begins, is me to a tee.
I am not sure what July will bring, but I do pray it will bring peace, healing, and a whole lot of light and of course lots and LOTS of time at my happy place. Now more then ever, it is important to find moments where we can rejuvenate, reconnect, and heal ourselves. But also find moments to be grateful. Even for the most minute of things. THAT is one of the reasons why I love June so much, because my heart, even when my mind is struggling, is so overcome with the gratitude I have for the amazing people who make this month so dang special. And I thank you all from a heart that is truly bursting with love for you amazing souls. I love you guys.
How was your June? How are YOU handling everything? Do you ever feel like you need a social media break?