Trust: Tales From the Dating Underworld
“We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.” ~Walter Anderson
Ahh, that pesky five letter word that, can build up or bull doze down relationships. Believe me, I know all to well about trust, lack of it, the insecurities it represents and the implosions of relationships without it.
I have always taken a philosophical approach about cheating. I am not one of those girls who goes all Nancy Drew, checking phones and social media constantly, expecting their beau of heinous misdeeds. I don’t get upset if a girl comments on a picture on Facebook. Having dated a rather well known guy in finance, I became use to the fawning and suggestiveness women attempted to bestow him, which never worked. I knew at the end of the day, he was still going home with me and it wouldn’t work.
You get what you give out, if you live in an environment expecting someone to cheat, guess what? They will. I have never been the “Psycho Girlfriend,” Ah la Jessie J. Which wins me brownie points as well as loses them. Apparently, the fact I don’t get into cat fights looses attraction points and means I don’t care, which is an interesting view point.
Firstly, you can not control another human being, therefore I choose to trust, until otherwise proven wrong. Unfortunately and yes, still painfully, I have been. Sadly I am not sure their isn’t a person on the planet who has not been cheated on. While I can not make a guy keep it in his pants, I definitely can go “I am woman,” and kick him to the curb. Which has its own forms of gratification.
Not only is trust important, so is being upfront. I have always stated at the beginning of relationships, “If you are going to cheat, you will. but don’t expect to find me warming your bed when you are done.” Which is pretty fair, I don’t want any STDS! Their are instances when sharing is certainly NOT caring and that line is with my man.
I refuse to go all killer girlfriend. Because at the end of the day if they want to be with you, they will show you, everyday multiple times a day. With words, caresses, looks. You can not force that. And if you do, it is time to walk away.
I have been on the receiving end of incredibly toxic and unfounded jealousy, because a guy couldn’t trust me. I admit it was a very terrifying time in my life and had more to do with the guy’s ego and his past relationships, then with anything I had ever done. It got to the point (especially with my Gemini personality) where I kept thinking that hell, I might as well cheat, if he was going to constantly try me guilty on absolutely no evidence. I was in a no win, no trust, pestilential relationship that had reached the red light and would go no further.
As much as that taught me a lot, first and foremost you can’t reason with crazy. Nope not at all. Aside from that tidbit the most important, was and is trust. If you can not trust someone or they do not trust you, cut the umbilical cord.
It isn’t fair to either of you (even if one of you is potentially Hannibal Lector insane) to stay in a mephitic relationship. What is more, that toxicity could and can reach dangerous levels. I know with mine it did. Reaching the breaking point, where I even changed Facebook and Instagram names because even the block button would not work.
Life is to short to be paranoid. To not have less then the best you deserve. Trust equates to respect. Once you find your soul mate, every past relationship, all the extra baggage that won’t fit overhead, get rid of it. As much as I love my Louis, relationships have room for only two people, no specters, and while I like my designers, certainly no room for that luggage on the love train. Each relationship is a chance to start fresh. To have equal parts of trust and respect. If you do not have those. If you do not even want to attempt to have those, you do not belong in a relationship.
Run, run until you do and that is when the trust will come, after all when it is true trusting love, you will definitely enjoy the marathon.
As always thoughts and opinions welcome.