Why Social Media Can be a Friend Killer

“We have all known the long loneliness, and we have found that the answer is community.” ~ Dorothy Day

The Pro’s

There is a simple reason why social media is a billionaire dollar industry, it has made a vast world seem so much smaller with just a click of a button. From the days of AIM and the original “Messenger,” where the icon was a bubble person, and everyone posted Nickleback or Jewel lyrics as away messages. (remember away messages?) To the short-lived Myspace and LiveJournal which gave way to the boom of Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter and countless other platforms.

It has evolved. It has been monetized, yet the the goal of connecting people across the world at a touch of a keyboard has only been made smaller. It is the perfect tool for staying in touch with those far away, documenting life, planning parties, checking if people are safe to so, much more. It helps keep us connected when physically we can not be there.

The Con’s

With all those pros, comes the flip side of the coin, the cons.

As much as it is great to stay connected with friendships, that very tool can become a crutch. It is easy to get sucked down that social media vortex. The ease it is to wish someone a happy birthday instead of calling or texting. To write I am thinking of you on a wall, instead of physically picking up the phone and calling that person to let them know.

With the job of communicating physically, being taken away, relationships are now more superficial then ever before. A like here or comment there is sufficient enough to be considered a “friendship.” The book length text messages, long phone calls, or two hour face time dates, have disappeared with social media replacing it, making the work of creating in-depth connections “easy.”

Yet we all know the best relationships in life take work.

Friendship Crutch 

I have witnessed first hand the social media demise of physical friendships. A couple months ago, I texted a friend explaining I felt disconnected from her. Her response? Stop being ridiculous. The reasoning? Because we were Instagram friends, we still communicated. The irony was even that had seemed to disappear. Despite stalking my story, she rarely liked or commented on anything I posted.

Seeing glimpses of my life, of what I post, isn’t truly knowing someone especially if you do not interact with them. It rarely shows the stresses, the hardships, or the loneliness that even having two thousand friends can not erase.

She didn’t know I had a boyfriend, the changes I had made, and the successes I had encountered in the last year. She had no idea if I was happy or sad. If I was struggling with life or on top of the world. She like many others on social media only saw what I posted. While yes I try to be authentic, rarely do I post (especially on Instagram) when life just really effing sucks.


Friendship is more then a like

The tool that had been so important to helping us stay connected, had suddenly backfired. In a matter of months we had become mere acquaintances, waving at each other as we passed through the cyber portal that had become our daily lives.

While life is busier then ever, we have become isolated. We consider strangers online, our nearest and dearest. Instead of having face to face coffee dates we hold more stock in our “Friends” lists with interactions turning from the physical to tech driven.

As great as social media is, it can not be the only thing that connects us. Life wasn’t designed for us to be an island. We need people.m. We need relationships, that do not center around our own self centeredness, but give us meaning and challenge us to be better. To fulfill us.

Yes social media makes it easier for us to stay connected, but it has become TO easy. All the effort, all that work, has gone out of it. We like and comment on such a generic level it gives us the illusion of connection when in reality we just go through the motions. It reminds me of dialogue in Harry Potter when Dumbledore says that Voldemort “Only has a half life.” We only have half friendships.

Friendship Builders

For the short term, it is a great friendship builder, for the long term it can be destructive. Easy doesn’t always mean best and friendships take work.

That isn’t to say you can’t have friendships online. I have met some amazing people on the internet especially in the blogging community. I have friends scattered across the world, and it allows me to stay connected to them.

But we also don’t rely on it as our sole communication. Our relationships are not defined by the bowels of the computer, but rather it helps enhance what is already there, which was what social media was originally designed to do. Connect us all on a a globally so that we can build bridges on much more physical level.

Do you think social media is a friend killer? What are your thoughts on social media? As always I love to hear from you guys! 

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19 thoughts on “Why Social Media Can be a Friend Killer

  1. The blog is looking beautiful, love the new layout!

    This post resonated with me. I agree that social media can be a crutch and I think it is important to have real life experiences together as friends. I think my most favorite memories of us are when we have been together in NYC, ME or NH. It is that time together that I treasure so much.


    1. Thank you so much! It was definitely a labor of love. 🙂
      I am so glad it resonated with you! It is such an important issue. As a society we have lost that connection that as humans we need. If we connected a little more, maybe we wouldn’t be so divided.
      Thanks for stopping by and for reading I greatly appreciate it! <3

  2. This is such an amazing and true post! I’ve made a friend through Instagram but also lost friends through it. Picking up the phone and talk for hours with my friends was the best thing ever and now nobody does this anymore…. xx

    1. Thank you so much beauty for your sweet words! They mean a lot. I completely agree! Their is nothing like actually hearing a voice or seeing a face, rather then relying solely on FB or Insta. So much love to you lady💗

  3. This post is dead on. I see this a lot with teenagers as well; many struggle with social skills face to face or don’t know how to make a friend in real life without resorting to social apps to initiate the conversation. Social media has many pros, and most of us use it in some format, but it also makes us very isolated.

    1. Thank you so much for stopping by and reading! I absolutely agree. It really has changed how we interact with people, while it has made the world smaller, as you mentioned it has also made us much more isolated which is sad. <3

  4. Ok first- LOVE your new template…. it’s gorgeous and chic and elegant just like YOU! Second, LOVEEE this post. I have felt so similarly lately, but you articulated it incredibly well. I agree that there is this weird dynamic now a days- the word “friendship” has taken on a whole new meaning, and while it’s reconnected people, I feel like it has become almost more of a platform (especially Instagram) for us to just sit back and put in the most minimal effort as we interact with one another, but still be considered friends. Also, it’s all fairly new, within the last few years… the long term repercussions kind of freak me out, especially with the younger generation. Thank you so much for opening this convo, Kate! I feel like it’s SUPER important to have, and a great reminder for us to be way more intentional with those we love. XO

    1. You are the absolute sweetest!!! Thank you so much sweets! It took me forever to design it but I am officially obsessed with it now! I definitely needed an upgrade 🙂
      Awe thank you! I was definitely a little worried about posting this, but your comment means the world! It is spot on! <3 I completely agree with you! Just because you "follow" someone doesn't mean that you are "friends" or even know what is going on in their life based off of a picture, (don't get me wrong I LOVE Instagram…I mean I NEVER post on there ;p ) but you also have to take it with a grain of salt and so many people don't.
      Exactly! I know how it has impacted my life/friendships (some for the better and some for the worst) I can not even imagine this younger generation who doesn't have the maturity to comprehend it.
      Thank YOU for reading and being so supportive and receptive. It really does mean the world to me beauty! <3 <3 <3

  5. I could not have said it better myself Kate! I have such a love/hate relationship with social media- for certain circumstances it truly is wonderful being able to “keep up” with friends, for instance my blogging friends; you, Mack, and so many others from around the world, in those instances I think they’re wonderful but for the people who should truly be there for you in the flesh, the ones you grew close with before social media, those are the situations where I feel at dismay. I had an instance on my birthday, one of my close friends tweeted me Hbd which was sweet, but didn’t text me it at all #mindblown. I just let it be because it is what it is. But its so true people use social media as an outlet to not interact and it’s such a shame. We have voices we need to use it! Another thing that baffles me to go along with your friend who used “but we’re friends on social media” but doesn’t like or comment on your content. I have a handful of those people too. I find that 90% of the time it’s my blogging friends that are consistently there liking, commenting, and just WAY more supportive than the people/friends I would think would be or should be. Its so funny how that works, isn’t it? Thank you for being so raw and true in this post- its all just spot on <3 <3

    xo, JJ

    1. Girl yes!!! I could not like this comment more! You seriously hit the nail on the head! I LOVE that it has connected all of us in the blogosphere and that it keeps us connected. but as you said it is the friends we made before.
      I think that is really my biggest pet peeve. Those people you knew beforehand and while yes life gets crazy, and people move you can still pick up a flipping phone or respond to a text message.
      The irony about that friend is she use to be one of my best friends. And the same! It is s surprising that “cyber friends” are more supportive then those who knew you when. It really is, and it still blows my mind.
      Thank you so much for your sweet and so true words beauty! I struggled posting this but I am so happy I did! Your words mean the world! I hope you have an amazing day! xoxo <3

  6. I totally agree with you ! Most of my friendships have been reduced to people liking my pictures while face to face they barely have the time to say more than a passing hello😡. I personably think social media has become a way for people to keep regular tabs on everyone’s lives without the hassle of emotional involvement. Gone are the days when people would call on your birthday to wish you or send you cards in the mail. Nowadays all you get are one liners on FB and that too after Facebook sends reminders to people. Heck even death condolences have been reduced to RIP and we are sorry for your loss that most people just copy and paste from the comment above theirs. We are becoming socially desensitized and we don’t even realize it😡😡

    1. LOVE that last sentence! “We are becoming socially desensitized and we don’t even realize it” Girl yes!!! I agree wholeheartedly. You also hit the nail on the head with the fact social media is used to keep tabs on everybody. Everyone can know your business, but not make the effort to actually care. It really is sad. Thank you so much for reading sweets! I loved your feed back! <3

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